Feeling Like I'm Useless Space, In This Insane Asylum We Call Earth

Million different ways

Limited amount of days

Malleable like clay

Hmm...although I hate change

Not from around your way

I'd rather stay astray

The only one who can save me is me

But it's kind of hard, when I'm my worst enemy

It's pretty wild but true

One of life's catch 22's

Don't judge me until you walk a mile or more in my shoes

Your worse nightmare can never compare to what I've been through

I'm not better than you

And you're not any better than me

I do what I gotta do, because it's best for me

Gotta thank Momma along with Step-Poppa

For putting me through school

Even though I do the things I do

I know I wasn't the perfect kid

I may regret some of the things I did

On the flipside...

There is always room for improvement

I'm my own revolution, I create my own movement

Tainted blood

Poisonous veins

Uncontrollable bleeding...disdained

Relentless ways in my DNA

I will overcome those vicious ways

I'll respect what you say

But I do as I may

As long as I don't hurt anyone along the way

I'll continue my destructive ways

Not gonna apologize for expressing the way I feel

I'd be saying sorry for keeping it real

So, I'll let my words spill

Serve you up with a reality meal

Give it to you raw, uncut, out of the bag type deal

I don't have the perfect past

Nor do I know where in my future I will land

Not sure if tomorrow will come for me

So today is what I live for

Isn't that the way it's supposed to be?

Yes, I have dreams, many things I want to do

But I'm lost and honestly I can't quite find that right route

::Inner voice sayin::

Just hold on kid

I know your still at fight

Struggling for your personal rights

Been judged all your life

Feels like there is no end in sight

Dying to be understood

But it's all misunderstood

Wondering if it's possible a person could

Eyes crying...can you accept me for me?

"No sorry girl, your just not in my elite category

You are the gifted underachieving loser

No goals, no dreams

Disconnected from reality

You're showing me your worth

And it's not good enough

I'm up here and you

Well your down there."

*OUCH* a little rough on the heart

Couldn't quite catch my breath to breathe

Those words knocked the wind right out of me

Stomach in my throat

Eyes start to swell

Tears start pouring out

Like a flooded water well

EXIT

The best work of a poet or an artist...is always left unfinished

-MCU '09

Who Am I?

WHO AM I? Soaring Eagle...I am free//I fly alone, through the world sky//Look at the night light...moon captured my heart//Sun rise...a new day//God's gift...life//I'm God's creation...his child//Sleep to dream//Awake to make dreams come true//I take the path less traveled//Better yet I make my own//Small...yet big at heart...enormous soul//The past is buried in my rear view mirror//Window shield full of future extended life//Believer//Mentally Complexed//Go-getta...Jump at'er//Doesn't think...just does//I'll deal with the consequences//Night time insomniac...review thinker (Aftermath)//Faithful//Dreamer//Sittin in the fish bowl lookin out//Mind thoughts are outside the box//Fresh starts//New ways...God helped me change//Well aware something is missing...not sure what it is//It will fall into my hands//God?//Dunked to receive the Holy Spirit...Cleansed//He is calling me to become closer...I feel it//Some "ditches" I must dig, before the answer to prayer comes//Independent//Loves to sit back and drink Arizona Green Tea//While writing delicate mental notes in a book//Sketching a moment on a blank pad...it's the only way to stop time//Dislikes talking on the phone...waste of energy...I'll save it for the "In person interview."//Text-a-holic...twenty-four-seven----three-sixty-five//Words come out faster in my head...but discombobulate themselves on the way out of my mouth//Mind is a lot faster, than my vocal verbage flow//Addicted to lotions and sprays//Have to speak to Mom everyday, twice a day//Oh, and at night I pray//Fresh Tattoo Ink is my meditation//My choice of poison...Gatorade (Purple)//No trees...no nose candy...no E-tard XTC...blood and body is clean//Herbal tea...mint...ginseng...green...Lavender is for me//Passion...animals. I'll save an animal over a stranger//I don't kill spiders..insects...mice...set em free outside//Lust is a beautiful thing...but I will try not to touch a sinful way//My life is now straight...but I am not perfect//Temporary Feelings...may have an urge for something...but after a while, I don't want it anymore//It's a weird feeling//One moment I can have passion...the next I want nothing to do with it//Yes, this includes people//Karma...I believe in it...I've seen and experienced it//Findings...I find marriage is overrated...I find myself in situations I like to avoid...but miraculously I end up putting myself there...I'm still trying to find myself//Sucka...I'm a sucka for (Confidential Information)...Get over it//Temptation of risk taking (Gut Feeling)//My gut feeling tells me yes or no...But I have temptation to risk doing the opposite...I should follow my gut instinct...However, I rebel against it...Most of the time I do get the short end of the stick and fall on my backside...Takes awhile to get back up on my feet...I'm stronger after the fact...RELENTLESS//Patient&Low Tolerance...high level of patience (most of the time)...low tolerance for people with no consideration for others (long list)//Racist vs Preference...know the difference//I make my own music...I find my own beat of the drum//Turn On's...Intelligence...conversationalist...open mind...passionate kisser...physically active...beautiful smiles...good hygiene...having a dark side (in a non violent, non criminal way)...mysterious...honesty...respectful...patient...loving...affectionate...physical attraction...chemistry...non judgmental...educated...goal orientated...the list can go on//Turn Off's...Shallow...conceited...ignorant...liars...abusers...bad hygiene (List can become a chapter)//Want is temporary...Need is permanent//I may want it...but it sure doesn't mean I need it//

If...

If you cannot be a poet, be the poem.

Random

Bless the broken roads that I'm about to walk on. Thanks for the sweet nectar of words that fell onto my lips; I woke up drunk from your delectable scent.

Lights On But Nobody's Home

I'm physically here, but mentally I'm gone. I'm in another world and I'm trying to find my way back to reality. I need to get my head out of the clouds and keep grounded. But you know what? I predicted this...I knew I was setting myself up for a fall. Should have followed my gut instinct, but I rebel against it. Maybe it's just one of those days, where things just seem bigger than what they really are. I just want to shut down for today, or just perhaps go into sleep mode and wake up to a new day. Clear minded, grounded and fully available to perception.